Velvet black

"In the velvet darkness of the blackest night, burning bright there's a guiding star- no matter what or who you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaare..." Rocky Horror

"the long dark tea-time of the Soul"...Douglas Adams...

How can I describe the long laboured hours of sleep, stolen- replaced by the most voracious of demons...when the act of merely describing such horrors feels as futile and dangerous as trying to catch a lion bare-handed...after a good fight I face the dawn, bloody-souled and limping- only to find a kitten sitting there licking my blood from its paws.

In the next room my love slumbers. I was left today. Yes- it was one of those wretched days when someone dumps you and you're left flailing suddenly in the wind- but that wind disappears to the point of vaccuum and the thought of living without that personification of solidity leaves you gasping, umbilical-like oxygen cable waving as your essense spews out into the undeserving void. When the severing blow hits you, you are simply existing from one moment to the next, suspended, asphyxiating. At this time, simply existing from one moment to the next alone seems a million times worse than the thought of enduring the entire rest of one's existance alone.

I seem not to have been completely disposed of, I suppose, as my lover sleeps, self-expressed and blissfully unbothered. But, I am a woman whose worth has been thrown at the wind. My pride has been injured, but I will not remain complacent. That moment of true alonenes today was enough to shock me back into independance... As the phoenix, again and again crucified upon the shores of love, I will re-build. I will prepare for the storm. I must be prepared for when again the banshee winds of aloneness scream. howling through my soul and the great flapping holes in my proverbial ticker. "Do you think that the wizard could give me a heart?"..............

Heart- fleshy organ of vulnerability and strength- the metronome which counts out my existance in measured hits- every moment more another taste of the Cat-o-nine's tail. I take my leave of thee. You are a mongrel who poisons my voyage and obscures my path. I must regain myself; batten down those hatches before the tsunami of the soul finally rips me away from this painful attachment I have with reality. The continuation of this pain is as sure as the flashing of this cursor as I navigate into the velvet black...