Thursday, September 30, 2004

plans

OK-a plan emergeth. For a start- the Ryan crest.





Monday, September 27, 2004

Quebec

And, so the future awaits. Quebec. Again my destination. Has the passing of time marinated my memories into total sweetness? A very cool race they are, but circumstances, of course, pay so much towards the way any facade of any location, may emerge.

My course hangs in the balance. I think I am 95% headed towards escape (I prefer that to failure). I can take only so much negative feedback before it is simply destructive. When one is given a jab of harsh motivational criticism like a jockey to a racehorse, in small doses, the student's pride may be enough to strive to defy the teacher's condemnation, but when that's all you get, you start to think; fuck it- why act like a trained pony who keeps pooping on the honourable carpet trying so hard to jump as high as decreed.


I've had enough of begging for crumbs from tables at which I should be welcomed as an honoured guest. My talent is in the beauty of my work- not the speed or compliance with commonly approved style. I am an individual and i have something worth saying and enough is enough. I DESERVE BETTER!!!

OK- so now I have a plan. Quebec Quebec. More will be revealed, but for now, some images as my journey begins...

















































Wednesday, September 22, 2004

future

...once again, dreams beckon and reality is an obstacle course I must overcome. once again I must build the road upon which to take the first step...

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Chimere




Adrift upon the tides of dreaming. You take me from stagnant ponds and the horizon glows a mischievous grin. Once more, there really is a place right now beyond these prosaic walls and jaundiced scenes.


The moon our chandelier, the ocean our silken sheet, I will drink with you of the rarest of ambrosia. The waves will cradle our dreams and the stars will play music for our souls;- a silver flow of infinite effulgence.

The world is a big, sparkly bauble;- faceted, alive, awaiting every grounded moth upon it to follow their light-lust; the dream as moon, leading me through these sometimes sparkling gutters to the land beyond beyond...


Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Concrete reality bites

Moments of intoxication- merging, melting, giving, devouring. Mutual vulnerability.
Mutual gain, mutual potential for loss... and how can something so newly found threaten to be so greater a loss than so many things in possession for so much longer...? As you scale new, dawn-kissed mountainsides with your new love, how the world disappears below into insignificance... but the insignificance merges into terrifying significance as, dropped from the heights of love, there is suddenly so far to fall to earth and no-one is around to catch you- they were all dissolved past microscopic amoebae, remember?.......

Not to say the story has soured, but reality seems as solid as cement;- and often as cold and grey- and as the initial mists begin to clear, the cement is simply unveiled... No man or woman is perfect and lusting for such a one is the prescription for doom and misery...just please let my happy bubble last for a little longer... May I maybe even find a way to stand tall, strong and ungrazed by that unavoidable biting grey...













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